Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
