is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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