Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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