I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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