i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
