I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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