How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize