oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize