It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
