The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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