but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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