Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
