Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
