Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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