that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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