Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
