im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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