Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
