you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
