the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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