When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
