He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
