i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
