saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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