just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
