After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
