Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
