i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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