Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
