Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
