: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
