ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
