um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
