I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
