He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
