i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You pole danced in your parka.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
