and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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