even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
