I looked at my own cervix.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My ass is underappreciated
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
