every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
