I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
