my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
