if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize