U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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