So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
