Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
