I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
