Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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