So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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