This girl is more easily done than said...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
