I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
