Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
