if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
