If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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