week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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