somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
