i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
