I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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