I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
