I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he shaved USA in his pubs
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
