Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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