Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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