I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
