The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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