Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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