Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
