Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The best revenge is premature balding
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
