Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
