When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
