She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Small penises have feelings too.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
