Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
