I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
