She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
